She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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