i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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