My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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