We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
