you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
