I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
