dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
