don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
