You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
