why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize