I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Duck Duck Cougar?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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