hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
