Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
