I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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