i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
