Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
