I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
tequila makes me forget i have legs
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
