Do you still have your period?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
