What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We are two peas in an std pod
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
