I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
