The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
