Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
