1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
