Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
