If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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