its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize