I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
