You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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