I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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