He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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