Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
