So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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