Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
