She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
