I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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