i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
