Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I met the friendliest cop last night
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
