i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
