you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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