I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
