I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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