i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
