No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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