Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
