I just pynch a tree in the face
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
