he wants to bone in the snuggie
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
