I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
