He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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