i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
