So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
