; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
