He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
