seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize