Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
