I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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