batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
