Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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