yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
