mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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