For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
