When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
