I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i will never coherently bang her
you didnt know i had herpes?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
