so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize