New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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