I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
