My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
