I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize