I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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