my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
