I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
