Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
