I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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