I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
