A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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