I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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