Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
