Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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