i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
