end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
