So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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