you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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