isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
