Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
