You smell like a Billy Joel song
Girls should come with a carfax report
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
