this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
