he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
