Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize