I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
