Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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