We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
