I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
