I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize